Evil Ducks

During the Holidays I like to dress in Paisly. Go to the mall. Wet myself. Then ask passers by for a moist towell and when they pretend to not see me or hear me I shout "Mom! Dad! Please don't leave me here!" " I promise no to tell about the man in the basement and our secret touching!". Then I usually head to the nativity scene and lay down for a nap,usually under a camel or in the manger, and dream of evil ducks armed with switchblades and sharp wit, planning the demise of humanity and powdered milk. I scurry to,my friend,Scratchy the ardvark's fort. Located in pepperidge farms and call for help. Only to find he and his family, of tatooed sloths, have been tied up and molested by demented sailors from Aruba. Quickly I grab a shoe string and some used underwear,free the family, and coax the sailors into the open. Where they are exposed to the pedestrians as sale items, marked down 85%, and are quickly sold, then hauled off as Christmas presents for spoiled Oxen, with CrackerJack and Pirate fetishes, at Denny's. We then set our sights on saving Powderd milk and humanity, by distractibg the ducks with tales of menstruating Chickens in Darfur and promises of hot coco and raisons. Then I wake up and enjoy a snack and a beverage.