Note to Abby

I was just wondering how much a gram cost these days. Can you message me and fill me in on the recent costs of Hashish and coke. I am growing tired of the same old meth and whiskey high! PS keep this on the downlow. I am pretty sure there are Goblins, from Italy and Aruba, outside my door and they are armed with chimney sweep brooms, ...expired Alkaseltzer tablets and one Daisy Red Ryder BB gun. One can only hope to escape by way of precision planned rescue rodents. Send a message to my Hedgehogs, that I am surrounded. They are specially equipped and ready for these moments. They will thwart mine enemy with haste and vigor. After wards we will feast on the charred flesh of the Goblins and sliced Peaches soaked in grape Kool Aid. Then dance wildly about the streets. Make sure they bring my Pink Floyd T shirt and an eight trak player with a Niel Diamond/Osmand Brothers mix tape in it! I must go now, for the world is at risk. PS US currency on the prices not pesos! Kirk Out 1/28/1972

As I ponder life from my bed my mind wanders through out the universe of my past lives and bring on many exicting memories. Like the time I went on a disco mission in search of its origin. The path path was a strange one from the start. As I saddled up my, genetically engineered, striped Panda bear. I recall his lightning speed and remember to grease myself up with a Vasoline and vinegar dusch, so as the keep down friction burns and to feel fresh all mission long. Then as he spreads his/her wings for take off, my weapons are lost in a vaporius cloud of Dry Ice stage fog. set out by the one and only Donna Summer and the group Known only as "WILD CHERRY". With out my trusted, male purse from the early eighties, I quickly disguised myself with a bad perm and some brightly colored doubleknit slacks, purchased in a golf pro shop. How ever would I find this place, this place where fads are started and quickly denied? Quickly thinking I head to studio 54 and the Blue Oyster Bar. Finding my way in a dark alley I come upon seven dwarf NBA players with incredable leaping abilities and a taste for lime jello with carrot slivers. A deal for thier alliance is struck, with a barter for thirteen teflon jello molds in the shape of the OSMOND boys and one slightly used frenchfry cutter. Then we set out for a lit up dance floor, located in Jack Nicholson's basement, and gaurded by Wan Epstien of welcome back carter and his friend from goodtimes JJ Walker. A battle/dance off insued and the dwarfs were succeful in thier match, even though a third party was waiting for them. A hybrid of Danny Bonaduce and Sonny Bono had been created for protection of the original mirrored disco ball. The dance off was furiuos, two ears and one eye were lost. As we enterd Jacks basement the horror of used up female actresses and models were piled to the top of a, dimly lit, Hors d'Oeuvres bar. This was to much for my side kick "Buster Poindexter" to bear. After thwarting off a small force consisting of, mentally impaired PBA officials armed with thumbgaurds, slip resistent shoes and poorly cared for dentures. We noticed a small tribe of Mongolian pigmy skunks and there was the answer.With a small bribe consisting of waffles, a can of pork & beans and a ,slighlty smudged, photo of Eric Estrada. They explained the origin of disco and it's accidentall come about. Seemed they were enjoying thier favorite beverage of Dill Pickle juice and hotsauce, when Jack Nicholson had flagulantly expressed hisself, during a sexual encounter with Cher, two boys from Menuedo and an unknown coked up comedian. The pain was so extreme that Cher and the boys starting writhing in pain and singing to the coked up comedien "fly robin fly" in hopes that his taped on wings would fan away the flaming gasses and save the mirror they were watching therselves in. The Mirror shatterd, the moonwalk and funky chicken was started, as Jane Fonda wanted to see herself immeidiatly,she glued the shards of reflective bits onto a revolving , slightly damaged mid seventies record player and smoked hash with Ho Chee Min! With my Mission accomplished I set the striped Panda bear free,combed out my perm, got the dwarfs a part in the play The WIZ, Helped Buster sign with dream records, and headed home to my crib and mastrubated to the tune of Billy Joel's CAPTAIN JACK. All the while feeling that wonderful freshness, that only a proper dusch and petroleum jelly will provide. This is but one episode in the life of mental midget and his side kick Pork

????????????

Theres only two ways to argue with a woman and neither one of them works.

Wheel and Alex

Anarchy! I say! Anarchy!! That's what would happen if Alex Trebec had a frosty beverage with Pat Sajak? While Conway Twitty jammed with Sid Vicius and Ted Nugent, on a stage, constructed of Oreo cookies and Gene Simmons pubic hair. All the while Bohemian Monks are chanting " Fidel Castro is a fan of croquet and reese cups !!"

Tree sound

Hey Doug bear!!! If a tree falls on a deaf person and nobody is around to hear the screams of pain and agony. does the tree and deaf person make a noise?

My Son's view family holidays

ITS BEEN A VERY NORMAL THANKSGIVING EATING GREAT FOOD, GETTING OVERLY STUFFED, VIDEO GAMES WITH MATTHEW, AND MOM AND AUNTS CUSSING AT EACH OTHER AND MY DAD SITTING THERE LAUGHING THEN MY MOM GETTING MAD AT HIM THEN I LAUGH AND I GET IN TROUBLE THEN HE LAUGHS AND GETS IN TROUBLE AND THE CYCLE REPEATS

Second Shot

I wonder if he had to do it all over again, would Adam take that bite or skip the snack , just curl up for a nap and have God jerk out another rib. It seems to me God had an alternative plan just in case. I mean, Adam had a few more ribs in there. What would it have hurt for a second shot. But then being of the male persuasion, you just know he would sneak out of the garden once in awhile.

Scary Night

The only thing that ever frightens me is closing my eyes and feeling a strange hand on my genitals. That and a seven headed chartroose mountain lion, married to an ostrich that plays a banjo and eats fruit roll ups for breakfast and wears a burt Reynolds mask to hide his shame. So before I go to bed at night I coat myself with a sticky glaze made from, Rasberry jello, the eyebrow hairs trimmed from Andy Rooney and ellen Barken. mixed in a bowl, purchased from a large man, with one arm and seven fingers, for a photo of Joe Cary chasing ducks in his under wear. Then and only then do I feel safe, from the demons in my brother John's head.

Training

I wouldn't stake my life on it, but I believe. If I had to, I could train a falcon to make jello and brush a horse. The skills I have gained through out my years as a ,secret agent Beawolfe, in the jungles of Nambia. While serving the Vice... Lord of the Tuku Mimby tribe. Have put me into a state of false security. Some times I wonder what if? Then I remember to wear my Authentic Chuck Taylors and scarlett jock strap in case of an attack. This will enable me to jump higher and swing faster, than any rabid spider monkey and his wallabee comrades. If you don't hear from me in the morn, I shall be in the widerness gathering berries and used transmission oil for a signal fire. This will thwart off evil Gerbles and box turtles from over taxing our farm lands and bussines ventures. They must be stopped at all costs and sent to the senate, for better benefits and salaries, so to better understand the American worker and his needs. Now I realise this is a silly post. But not really any more silly than Congress pretending to care about the American Worker, for yet another Year.