Childhood.

The Baby boomer generation were raised by parents that always wanted, "more" and "better", for thier children, than they had, while growing up. We had more luxuries than they yet not in excess. What they did not realise was the great nieghborhoods..., schools, out door games, childhood friends and memories, they were giving us.Is way more than a bicycle, ball glove or any possesions. For the most our child hoods are full of great memories of love and friends, outdoor games, not stuff. (Kick the can, Red Rover, Sand Lot baseball. Hide and seek and many more) I don't wish to give my son more than I had, I wish him at least half of the fun and good friends I have and had in my life. For the first generation in USA history, I think the kids are getting less than the parents got. Not by means of posseisons, but the freedom and independence of wandering the nieghborhood and scuffling with others in fun and in battle. Having a freinds back, meeting an enemy and becoming his/her friend. Just in general I am trying to say "I don't want more for my son than I had. I would wish, with all my heart, for his life to be as rich with family, friends, fun and discovery as mine."! Just an older Dude jotting some Phil Donahue feelings and stuff down.

Twisted Christmas

'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house;
not a person was speaking, especially the spouse.

The siblings have left enraged and in haste;
While late Christmas shopping all went to waste.

The Children are sniffling and weeping in bed;
because all the mean things the adults all have said.

While games of electronics flash throught thier minds;
Then me and the Mrs find pains of all kinds.

When out in the driveway there rang such a clatter;
I ran to the door with a full whiskey bladder.

I saw through the door and what did I see;
The punk from next door that I've known since three.

When I figured it out it did not really matter;
The night stalker kid came fast down the ladder.

I knew in an instance that he had been slick;
The horny rat bastard gave my daughter some dick.

More potent than Buzz from Vincennes north end;
I knew that this was not his only girl friend.

All crazy with lust and feeling no shame;
I heard this boy laugh and filled me with shame.

He ran to the street and fast as he could;
Called out to his women all over the hood.

Now Kendra Now Janice Now Jamie and Bran;
Off to the bed in my cool Chevy Van.

He then left a package for me at my door;
I swore that I'd shoot him with my dad's forty four.

He left in an instance with a cold glearing Glance;
But the package he left was 1 to ten chance.

I hope it's a girl and he'll get repaid;
When someday his baby will be getting laid.

As his eyes sparkled blue in the dim Christmas lights;
He jumped in his van while I read him his rights.

So now at the end of my holiday woes;
I go back in my mind of the days chasing hoes.

Then I knew in an instance what happened that day;
Was some old fashioned karma for a roll in the hay.

As his van sped away in the cold winter's night;
I swore with my gun his life I would smite.

Then off in the distance I still heard him say;
Take care of my offspring and you pay his way.

Now Christmas is over and the new year begins;
I hope the lord helps me and forgives me my sins.

Evil Ducks

During the Holidays I like to dress in Paisly. Go to the mall. Wet myself. Then ask passers by for a moist towell and when they pretend to not see me or hear me I shout "Mom! Dad! Please don't leave me here!" " I promise no to tell about the man in the basement and our secret touching!". Then I usually head to the nativity scene and lay down for a nap,usually under a camel or in the manger, and dream of evil ducks armed with switchblades and sharp wit, planning the demise of humanity and powdered milk. I scurry to,my friend,Scratchy the ardvark's fort. Located in pepperidge farms and call for help. Only to find he and his family, of tatooed sloths, have been tied up and molested by demented sailors from Aruba. Quickly I grab a shoe string and some used underwear,free the family, and coax the sailors into the open. Where they are exposed to the pedestrians as sale items, marked down 85%, and are quickly sold, then hauled off as Christmas presents for spoiled Oxen, with CrackerJack and Pirate fetishes, at Denny's. We then set our sights on saving Powderd milk and humanity, by distractibg the ducks with tales of menstruating Chickens in Darfur and promises of hot coco and raisons. Then I wake up and enjoy a snack and a beverage.

Abused and Forgotten.

Aunt Joni has been spending all our money on caramel apples and tube sox. She won't let me buy a new wheelchair AND she smokes pot all day! I am stuck in bed and have no food or water. I think evil, knife wielding, crickets live under my bed and are planning to..... kill me, or hold me captive for Strawberry Pop Tarts and Boonesfarm wine. If only I had my laser powerd toe nail clippers I would feel safe from all dangers. But for now I must fend them off with my wit and sexual favors. My only hope for survival is a rescue attempt by the angry tortoise, and his cousin Thorton the happy moose, whom live in my closet. Either way THERE WILL BE BLOOD! I must go and stratagize now. Have a happy day and drink hot chocolate!

Boogy Man

At this very moment I am being stalked by large, cabbage eating, tortoises from Italy. I am going to use my stealth like abilities and hide under the bed. This is a long proven method by many children of my generation, so many of us have survived by hiding under the bed from, Boogy Man, Night of the LEPUS, Grizzly, Jaws, Land Shark an...d Freddy Krueger. But I must flee now, for I hear a rambling in the distance. It could be my last night on this planet. I will go forth and live with the bearded swans of capastrano and survive on the sympathy and generosity of passing tourists and jelly beans. My only hope for return is a blind goat with strong wings and the ability to play a banjo. Then I will ride him home while singing Jeremiah was a bullfrog, in harmony with Joey Lawrence and Mr. Green Jeans. All the while pretending to be Raven Samone in drag. I will then KNARFLE THE GARTHOCK!!! Kill the Tortoises and eat, Chef Boyardee, ravioli, from a pan used by Prince in the movie Purple Rain.

Jedi Mind trick

I dreamed I was a Jedi Knight with unusual but useful powers.
I had the ability to read the thoughts and plans of wild,
but intelligent, freckled, burrows in the sonoran desert.
Oddly enough thier thoughts were of mathmatics, Fudge Brownies,
and who would win the gold medal at the next Olympics in water Polo.
But the plans they were hashing out are even more peculiar than
that of a indoniesion dwarf, with severely chaffed nipples
from breast feeding over grown spider monkeys in Cozamel.
Seems they are plotting to over throw Hollywood bigshots and
make documentary films about Canadian born hamsters,
with speech impedaments, anger issues and bisexual tendencies
for cross dressing Japanese boys with the clap. All the while
sipping tea and making fun of Secratariat and Cigar's offspring
for thier substandard race abilities and soft hoofs. The profits
from these films will be used to study the habits of winged Zebras
and thier practical uses in ,Daffodil Gardening and pumping gas,
for convieneance stores thru out the midwest and Guam.
It was only then that I decided to use the JEDI mind trick and
have the burrows, prepare a meal for nearsighted, over dressed,
hookers from South Dakota. Using only a cuisenart, triangular spatula
and George Foreman grill, stolen fromMark Spits and Mary lou Rettin's love den,
then smuggled into Arizona inside a Chinese manufactured love doll built
for lonely fans of the Village People. The meal was fabulous and the virtuous
Hollywood directors and Agents were saved to make great movies and hot chocolate.

Hiaku Man

Yes Dave I was bored and you are now a victim of the Hiaku man. I will now slip away into the night and slowly devour a reese cup dipped in the nectar of an orchid, raised by rabid beavers, in the southern region of Guam. All the while I will be seeking the wisdom of the Dahli Lama's beagle hound!


frigidus imber prima
Simia etiam videtur velle
tunicam parvam festucam,

dreams

The only thing that ever frightens me is closing my eyes and feeling a strange hand on my genitals. That and a seven headed chartroose mountain lion, married to an ostrich that plays a banjo, eats fruit roll ups for breakfast and wears a burt reynolds mask to hide his shame. So before I go to bed at night I coat myself with a sticky glaze made from, Rasberry jello, the eyebrow hairs trimmed from Andy Rooney and ellen Barken. mixed in a bowl, purchased from a large man, with one arm and seven fingers, for a photo of Joe Cary chasing ducks in his under wear. Then and only then do I feel safe, from the demons in my brother John's head.

Bored

Is it hard to tell I have been in bed for ever. I am going to morph into a gay spider and eat oatmeal instead of flies. All the while gazing at posters of Marky Mark in his underwear ads!!

Silly Thoughts

I wonder if he had to do it all over again, would Adam take that bite or skip the snack , just curl up for a nap and have God jerk out another rib. It seems to me God had an alternative plan just in case. I mean, Adam had a few more ribs in there. What would it have hurt for a second shot. But then being of the male persuasion, you just know he would sneak out of the garden once in awhile.

Short acid flash

At this very moment I am being stalked by large, cabbage eating, tortoises from Italy. I am going to use my stealth like abilities and hide under the bed. This is a long proven method by many children of my generation, so many of us have survived by hiding under the bed from, Boogy Man, Night of the LEPUS, Grizzly, Jaws, Land Shark an...d Freddy Krueger. But I must flee now, for I hear a rambling in the distance. It could be my last night on this planet. I will go forth and live with the bearded swans of capastrano and survive on the sympathy and generosity of passing tourists and jelly beans. My only hope for return is a blind goat with strong wings and the ability to play a banjo. Then I will ride him home while singing Jeremiah was a bullfrog, in harmony with Joey Lawrence and Mr. Green Jeans. All the while pretending to be Raven Samone in drag. I will then KNARFLE THE GARTHOCK!!! Kill the Tortoises and eat, Chef Boyardee, ravioli, from a pan used by Prince in the movie Purple Rain.

Wierd stuff to say!!

I wish There was a place where I could transform earthworms into a magnifying glass and cook eggs from rattle snakes, Rattle snakes that have been sexually molested by 13'th century knights of Scotland. All the while knowing I will have to put my clothes back on and drink whiskey out of a wooden spoon, stolen from a goat trough and smuggled out of Spain, cleverly hidden in the tights of a Polish Court Jester, with herpes and severe body chaffing. Then I would go home and start, using my special powers, to improve the urinary tract health of deformed Bullfrogs in the Mississippi delta. All the while working on a child's novel for normalcy and potty training. So while I search for such a strange land, I shall continue to scribble these silly posts and venture into the realm of my mind and it's quadry of thoughts. Have A Happy Day!